Season 1 (2003)

Pilot
6.3

September 22, 2003 • 23m

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

Big Flappy Bastards
6.8

September 29, 2003 • 21m

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thin...Read more

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
7.1

October 5, 2003 • 21m

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
7.3

October 12, 2003 • 21m

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her...Read more

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
6.9

October 19, 2003 • 19m

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
6.5

October 26, 2003 • 21m

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
7.2

November 2, 2003 • 21m

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of ...Read more

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
7.0

November 9, 2003 • 19m

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

Phase One, Complete
6.6

November 15, 2003 • 21m

Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she b...Read more

Merry Thanksgiving
7.0

November 23, 2003 • 21m

Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
6.7

December 14, 2003 • 20m

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

Camel Filters and Pheromones
7.2

January 4, 2004 • 21m

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

Sarah Like Puny Alan
6.6

January 10, 2004 • 20m

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting ...Read more

I Can't Afford Hyenas
6.7

February 1, 2004 • 21m

Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and no...Read more

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
6.9

February 8, 2004 • 21m

Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

That Was Saliva, Alan
7.1

February 15, 2004 • 21m

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
7.3

February 22, 2004 • 20m

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident wh...Read more

An Old Flame With a New Wick
7.2

February 29, 2004 • 21m

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
7.2

March 21, 2004 • 19m

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcoho...Read more

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
7.0

April 18, 2004 • 21m

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

No Sniffing, No Wowing
7.0

May 2, 2004 • 21m

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were...Read more

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
6.9

May 9, 2004 • 21m

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and...Read more

Just Like Buffalo
7.2

May 16, 2004 • 21m

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's vis...Read more

Can You Feel My Finger?
6.9

May 23, 2004 • 21m

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.